


Just one more cigarette

by Girl_who_talks_with_trees



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Asthma, Basketball, Coughing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fever, Fever Dreams, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smoking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-08-09 15:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16452527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_who_talks_with_trees/pseuds/Girl_who_talks_with_trees
Summary: Smoking is bad. Steve knows it but after the uside down he couldn't stop. Cigarettes were air.





	1. Everything that kills me, make me feel alive !

Smoking had always been a part of Steve’s life. His father used to smoke cigars and his mum cigarettes, when he was a little child. The smell of tobacco was like a sweet memory of his childhood. It reminded him about the good part of his dad, in fact the man smoked just when he wasn’t beating Steve or arguing with his mother.  
It felt like a cuddle when he had tried the first cigarette alone. He was eleven, his parents hadn’t been at home in a month, he was just trying to have a scent of them with him, he had felt lonely and sad. Cigarettes were like having them always with him.  
He had never thought about quitting it till he met the kids. They were a different kind of family, but still Steve felt like protecting them. He had slowed down a lot in the period he was hanging out with the kids, but never stopped.

Unfortunatly after the real trauma he had had this year by an another encounter with the upside down, cigarettes were the very air that he breathed. He couldn’t sleep at all because of all the nightmares he had about infinite tunnels, the kids that screamed for his help but he couldn’t reach them, monsters that tried to bite him. The worse of them all was finding the kids corpses in a lake of crimson, while hearing their voices echoed in his head saying : “You could have saved us, why didn’t you came when we were calling for your help ?”. He always woke up screaming like mad, drenched in sweat, panting like he had run a marathon. The only thing that relieved his scattered mind was smoking.

He started to smoke every time he needed to calm down, so he smoked always because even with closing his eyes he could see the monsters running towards him for tearing his libs apart. After a week, after the night at the Byers house, he gave up sleeping, it was too painful and every night the dreams kept getting more and more realistic and gruesome. He simply couldn’t go on like that, so he just stopped sleeping. Instead he just smoked cigarettes near the pool where Barb died. He could see his breath mixed with the smoke in the cold air of Winter. He just grew tired at some point and went inside to get ready for school. Every night was the same.

The more he had the more he needed. He started to smoke between the lessons, in the bathroom, in his car, in the dressing room, even when he drove off the kids. He just kept attention to make sure all the fume went all out of the window. He didn’t wanted to intoxicate the shit heads.

He continued to increase the regime of packs everyday. He had lost interest in alcohol, it didn’t relieved anything. Drinking would just make his nightmare like real, he just had bad trips, he couldn't stand that for so long. All the food tasted the same, he had started to skip meals because he couldn’t eat something that tasted like nothing. He declined all the invites for parties till nobody asked for him anymore. His day was always the same, he just needed one cigarette more and he wouldn’t drown in his emptiness. Just one more and he would be fine.

Billy was always bullying him, but now Steve didn’t give a fuck about it. Instead of ignoring him he liked to provoke the bigger guy even more, making him burn from anger. Basketball was their battlefield. It was there that Billy had noticed a change in his opponent. Steve had lost weight, he was always smoking, his skin had started to turn in a greyish pale unnatural colour, but this didn’t changed anything for Billy. They were always at each other neck, the coach was really stressed about this behaviour. The words often ended up with a fight in the showers or outside the gym where professors couldn’t see.

Billy had been so blind at first because of the anger, but then he noticed that Steve was kind of trying to get himself in trouble every time he could. He kept up a fight even when he didn’t need to really do that, it was like he was searching for them, even if he was self conscious that he had no match to Billy’s force and muscles. Billy had observed how Steve seemed to need to be hurt. He always finished to be all bloody and bruised, him too but not much as Steve.

Steve, in fact, needed to feel alive, he needed something that would remind him that he still breathed, he still existed, and what’s better than pain ? Even smoking was doing it, feeling that burning sensation in the back of his throat and the constriction in his lungs made him feel alive.

One night he was smoking cigarettes while cleaning his nailed bat, the object had become like a best friend for him. It had been days since he had started to feel a closure sensation in his throat, breathing was like he had a hand around his trachea. It was pretty cold outside, it was December. He coughed a bit, feeling worse, than another cough escaped his lips. In a moment he was coughing hard, trembling all over. The fit was long and he ended laying down on the tile floor trying to catch his breath. Maybe he had enough cigarettes for that hour, he thought. Ten minutes after he had already lighted up a new one. He couldn’t live without them.

The next day in literature class, he was craving for a cigarette. He needed a smoke so much. He asked the professor to go to the bathroom. The best part of it was that his professors always thought that he was sick, well he seemed like a sick person. Once inside he just closed the door of the toilet near the window. He went on the tub and opened it to make the smoke go outside. Smoking was like breathing for him now. He was craving the third one when Billy entered the bathroom.

“Oi Harrington ! What the fuck are you doing ?” Steve didn’t even replied to that. He didn’t have much time for smoking.

“You are becoming a really bad guy if you smoke in the bathroom at school !” Billy mocked him.

Steve finished his cigarette than exited the toilet and punched Billy in the face. Hargrove was immediately on him. Soon the bathroom floor was dirt with blood and saliva. Steve was launching at Billy again when he started to cough hard. He stopped trying to catch his breath. More blood came out of his mouth. Billy took advantage of the situation and hit him in the stomach with his knee. Steve just fell down hard on the floor, still coughing or more like choking on himself. Billy stayed a bit watching how sick Steve seemed then he went out.

The next day they had practice, Steve seemed off. He was out of breath and he coughed often. They didn’t even argued for something because Steve hadn’t the air to speak. Billy just leaved him be. It really felt strange a behaviour like that from Steve. When he went out in the parking lot he found Harrington smoking and coughing hard.

“You should give it a rest !” Billy said slightly anxious.

“Fuck you Hargrove !” Steve said coughing out his soul. He himself was getting a bit worried. The thing didn’t seem to leave the hold on him.

A week passed but things didn’t improved, Steve still had difficulties just breathing, his rib cage ached a lot, it felt like he had a pneumonia. When he was little he had been asthmatic for an year or so, he still had the inhaler.

Today he had practice for four hours and it was a pretty killing lesson.

When Steve had arrived Billy had noticed that the wounds he had put on him were still there like they were fresh. Billy’s one had already healed. It was strange.

The lesson was really hard for Steve, keeping up with the rhythm of his playmates that could breathe freely, was a real struggle. He was tired physically and mentally, weeks and weeks of not sleeping for more than 1 hour a day and the constant smoking were starting to claim his health. Billy was being an asshole like always. Then he had turned to Steve like he was trying to have a fight with him. Well if he wanted one so bad Steve would just give him what he needed.

“Too tired Harrington that you don’t speak anymore ?”

“Yeah yesterday I fucked your mum all night so you will excuse me !” Steve didn’t meant to say those things, he knew well about the loss Billy had to cope with, but his mind hadn’t thought strait in a while. Concentrating on words were too difficult. His head was always drifting off somewhere else, he had started to feel lightheaded days ago.

Everybody in the team was now looking at them. Billy jumped on him and started to throw punches at Steve in the already wounded face and in the stomach. Steve reacted too, but Billy could felt that his punches were a lot weaker than before.  
The coach intervened separating the two.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but this can’t go on more than it had already done !” He screamed, purple in the face.

“You will stay after practice is over, and do a run around the football field for five times as a punishment ! And you will tell me who won so that I will be sure that you really done it !”

At the end of the lesson Billy and Steve went outside in the freezing cold. Steve’s nose was still bleeding from the punch Billy had send him. They started running head to head at full speed because Billy wanted to win. For the first round Steve still caught up to him, but after he started to pant and cough hard. On the third he had lost meters, his legs were starting to became like jelly. Billy was surprised to see that he was winning, Steve in fact had always been the fastest on the team. On the fourth Steve had tried to close the gap between them, but it was taking all his energies, now his breath was erratic, his throat was screaming for the cold air that he kept filling his lungs with. On the fifth he was just behind Billy, the other was pushing now on the maximum for not letting Steve pass. They were running on the half of the fifth round when an harsh fit of cough took Steve. Now he couldn’t really breathe, but he had to keep running or Billy would have won and everybody knows how unbearable he would have become. So he kept pushing even if his body was already giving up.

They were just a few dozen of meters from the finish now. It was an instant, Steve stumbled on the wet grass. Billy feeling the victory in his pockets started to scream with joy. I won the rage and began making fun of Steve, but when he turned around he saw that nobody was near him. Steve was still on the ground trying to get up but always falling back down. His body was shaking for all the cough he had. He couldn’t breathe, he was suffocating. His asthma had returned more violent that he remembered. Then a yellowish thing started to came out of his mouth. His vision blurred because his body didn’t had had oxygen for too long. He just cowered face down in the same position he had fallen.  
Billy saw him getting up and collapse all this time, but when Steve just stayed down without moving, he started to run towards him, screaming his name.

“Oi !!! Oi Harrington ! Hey !!!” He shouted kneeling beside the boy. Steve didn’t answered, he didn’t moved or better he wasn’t moving at all. Billy turned him to take a better look.

“Oi ! Harrington !” Billy freaked out, Steve wasn’t breathing !

“Help ! Help !!! I need help !” He screamed with all the voice he had, but now in the school there wasn’t anybody that could hear him. Steve was becoming violet, Billy tried to calm down, the only thing to do that came to his mind was doing the CPR. He had seen it in California when a guy had nearly drown. Luckily the lifeguard had saved him, but it hadn’t been so easy.

He needed to make a choice soon, Steve hadn’t much more time. He pinned his nose, opened his mouth and started to breath in him. He had never dreamed to kiss Steve fucking Harrington. His mouth tasted of cigarettes and blood. When he started to compress the chest, the thinness of Steve torso took him by surprise. He was afraid to press too hard because he could have broken his ribs, but at the same time if you don’t push enough it doesn’t have effect. After the second session Billy was crying, he had never seen somebody die in front of him. Then suddenly Steve started to cough, Billy took off his shaking hands. Steve was alive !

“Steve ! Oi ! Can you hear me ? Steve !” He screamed, the boy just curled on his side still coughing, probably he wasn’t conscious already.

Billy just set there too shocked to do anything else. His legs were too weak now to support him. He couldn’t believe that he had saved Harrington life. He just waited there for Steve to fully awake. After sometime the other stirred, he opened his eyes and tried to get up from the wet grass. A big warm hand showed him back. 

Steve was stunned to see Billy, he seemed to have seen a ghost. He was pale and sweated, his lips were pressed together and the mouth was just a thin line, his jaw was clenched. 

“Get off me !” He said, but the voice came out more like a chocking.

“You should lay down” Billy simply said.

“It’s fucking freezing here” He said trying to stand up. He was trembling. Billy started to shake a little too, it was like till now he hadn’t felt the coldness of the air. They were tired and sweated to the bone, the air was chill and staying outside without moving wasn’t a really healthy thing to do.

Steve got up panting, but after the first step he fell down again.

“You should lay down” Billy repeated.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Hargrove ?” Billy stayed silent weighting the option of the truth or the lie.

“Oi ! Answer me ! Hey Hargrove ! What happened ?” Then Steve asked.

“You stopped breathing” He said in a low voice.

“Ahahah right ! Really funny !” Steve laughed, but when Billy didn’t replied he stopped.

“Are you serious ?” Billy could just nod.

“Fuck !” Steve admitted.

“No I have to said fuck Steve ! What the hell are you doing ? Does the coach knows that you are asthmatic ? You – you stopped breathing ! I – I had to do the CPR or you would have … Why are doing this ? You want to die suffocated ?”

“What are you talking about ? I just fell on the grass, that’s all ! I was just tired and I passed out”

“You just passed out ? Really ? You kidding me ? You fucking stopped breathing Steve ! that’s not normal ! Why don’t you understand ?! You could have died here if I didn’t acted in time ! You went out for more than one minute ! Why you didn’t tell that you suffer from asthma ?” Now Steve was really aghast, he known about his problem, but never thought it would have been this severe. He tried to get up again because out there it was too cold. This time he started to walk.

“Where are you going ?” Billy asked still pale as a sheet, a bit shaking.

“Inside, it’s fucking freezing out here” He coughed again and fell on his knees. His body was aching all over. Billy took him by the waist and carried the boy in the showers. Steve couldn’t even argue because his mouth was too busy not choking. Billy put him down and touched his forehead.

“You are hot, probably have a little fever, why did you came at practice in the first time ?” He asked.

“Basket helps me clear my mind”

“Why would you clear your mind ? We haven’t too many tests in these period !”

“You won’t understand” This phrase, Billy hated it, even Max used to say it when he asked about the night at the Byers House. It frustrated him that everybody thought that he couldn’t understand things like he was a child or he was stupid. Billy was not.

They washed themself, Billy with always eye on Steve, who continued to cough hard. It seemed that even standing up right was making him panting and catching for air. Now that he was watching him closely, Billy could tell that the boy had lost weight, too much and too fast for Billy’s tastes. He seemed ill, pretty ill if he had breathing problems at their age. 

“You should go get checked out” Billy said while washing his blonde hairs.

“What are you talking about ?” Steve asked genuinely confused.

“I said that you should visit a doctor that could help you or go to the Hospital !”

“Fuck off Hargrove I don’t have any…” Steve raised his voice but couldn’t finish the phrase because he started to cough. Billy just watched concerned.

Steve didn’t put on an hoodie or a pullover, he just walked out of the changing room, in the chill air, without saying anything to Billy. The Californian covered himself with his thick jeans jacket and exited. What he saw made him angry : Steve was smoking again and coughing, while leaning heavily on a wall. 

Billy ripped off the cigarette from Steve mouth and thrown the shitty thing on the floor.

“What the fuck are you doing ?” 

“Fuck you Hargrove ! The hell did you do that ?” Steve asked pissed off.

“You just barely survived from a very bad asthma attack and now you are here smoking ? Are you masochist ? Do you really want to die ?”

“Fuck you Hargrove ! I need a smoke ! And there 's nothing of your fucking buisness !” With that Steve stormed to his car and away from the parking lot. Billy just stayed there, now he could recall all the times he had seen Steve in the past weeks, he was always smoking and coughing.

Billy went home. During the evening he caught himself thinking about Steve. What had happened had freaked him out. He had stopped breathing ! How could the boy still think that he wasn’t sick ? Probably Billy thought that he was already smoking again. Thinking about it Billy hadn’t touched a cigarette since practice. For all the night in his mind was replying again and again the moment when he “kissed” Steve. He had been different from all the kisses he had had with girls. Even if it had tasted like blood and cigarettes, the memory of it made him blush. Billy stayed up all night thinking about the other boy. 

The next day Billy didn’t see Steve at school, he searched him in the corridors, in class, in the parking lot if he could find his BNW. The boy had vanished. He had started be become worried. Time seemed to be infinite, the lessons never ended, Billy could just watch in apprehension outside, hoping that he would spot a slim smoking boy walking towards the school. When the bell finally ringhed he stormed out of the classroom and away from that prison with his Camaro. He wanted to go straight to Steve’s house, but he needed to took Max from school. As soon as he parked in front of the school a too well known BNW went in the opposite direction. Steve had already picked up the kids. Billy climbed out of the car, he could see smoke coming out of the driver window. He decided to wait Steve at his house.  
Time passed till he heard a car engine coming near. The BNW stopped in front of the Camaro. The two climbed out of the cars. Steve was smoking, his skin was pale, in the pallid sun of December his dark bags under the eyes, were standing out a lot. He seemed a cancer patient apart from the long shining hairs. His doe eyes were exhausted. Seeing him, made Billy’s heart jolt with happiness, but his conditions made him sad.

“What the fuck are you doing here Hargrove ?” 

“Just checking that you are still alive pretty boy” 

“Fuck off !” Steve coughed hard that he bended in two. Billy could tell that he had done it a lot. Still coughing, Steve went inside his car and drove toward his house. Billy could just watch sadly how tired and ill he seemed.

Billy watched the gate close, then he went home. He thought about Steve all the time. He dreamed about Steve kissing him passionately, but in the dream his lover was suddenly pulling away coughing and panting. Steve had fell down like a broken doll, Billy had tried to save him, he had done the CPR, he had called, screamed his name as loud as he could but the body under him had just remained immobile. Billy had shook him, but he had just felt how cold Steve was already. Billy woke up screaming and sweating. Hot tears were streaming down his cheeks. He had to admit to himself : he had fell in love with Steve Harrington. 

The next day Steve didn’t showed up again. Billy’s heart ached thinking the something could have happened to him. It was Friday and there was a practice too. Steve had never skipped basket even when he had beaten the shit out of him. He had showed up all bloody and bruised, raising all the attention of the team. Billy hadn’t said anything, he was too ashamed about his actions. 

Afternoon lessons were infinite. He was always checking the clock, at basketball he wasn’t focused, all he could thought of was Steve. He needed to know that the boy wasn’t killing himself with all those cigarettes. 

He went first to pick up Max, and this time he found all the kids there waiting for their babysitter. This made Billy worry even more. 

“Max ! Where is Steve ?” He asked from the car window. His sister seemed surprised to see him there.

“Billy ? What are you doing here ?” 

“Picking you, shit heads, up from school ! Now did you see Steve ?”

“No he didn’t came… he is never this late” She admitted.

“Ok, climb on !”

All the kids seemed afraid, but Max convinced them and after a minute Billy was speeding up toward their houses. 

“Was Steve at school today ?” Dustin asked suddenly. Billy could just lie to the kid, Max had told him how brotherly Steve and him had becomed lately. The kid looked up to his crush like a true big brother.

“yeah, but the coach needed to speak with him” He said simply. Max looked at him suspiciously, but he made a look and She shutted up. 

When he was left alone with Max, she asked him :

“He wasn’t at school today, right ?”

He nodded.

“Yesterday he was coughing a lot. Dustin had asked him if he could stop smoking because it was suffocating us, but he just opened more the window. We were freezing. He just said that he couldn’t stop, he needed it.” Max confessed. Billy stomach lurched. 

“What’s happening Billy ?” 

“I don’t know Max, but now I need to go !” 

Max climbed out of the car.

“Please help him out” She said.

Billy just wove her off.

He parked in front of the gate. It was closed, he just climbed the fence and ran to the big house. He rang the doorbell but nobody answered. This worried even more Billy, there was no way that Steve had seen him approaching the house. The front door was stuck, he went in the back where the pool was situated. He could see the kitchen from there. Luckily the back door was wide open and the cold December air was coming in. He went inside. 

“Oi Steve ? Steve are you here ?” Nobody answered him, but he heard a distant rantoling.

“Steve ! Steve ! Hey ! Where are you ?” The wails were coming from the living room. He entered the room and he stopped dead.

Steve was on the floor, curled up on a side, he was coughing and groaning painfully. At every cough his body shook like it was coming from deep inside. Near the stifling boy a cigarette was still smoking. Billy took the teen with his arms and put his head on his lap so that Steve could breathe more freely. The choking persisted for minutes till it left him panting heavily. Steve opened tiredly his eyes, he seemed unfocused. Then he turned weakly on his side and throw up water misted with stomach acid. 

“Steve ? Can you hear me ?” the boy just nodded being in too much pain and nausea.

“I’m here to help you ! I’ll take you to the bed” He said.

Billy lifted Steve up like nothing, it surprised him how light he seemed. He carried the poor boy on the first floor where his bedroom was. Tommy had told him everything about Steve house, it was like he had already been there. 

He laid him on the big two size bed, when he noticed that it seemed untouched. It was impossible but it was like Steve hadn’t slept in there for a long time, there was dust on the pillow too. Well that could have explained the big dark bags under his eyes, but how could a person stop sleeping ? Why he hadn’t rest himself, most of all after the accident he had at practice on Wednesday ? Billy had thought he would have gone to the hospital or at least to a doctor, but it seemed more like he had just stayed at home smoking.  
Billy put an hand on Steve forehead.

“You are burning up !”

Billy knowed that a too high fever would have damaged the already bad condition of the boy, he needed to give him something and soon. He when in the bathroom searching for a medicine he could use. He found a package of aspirin. He took it with a big glass of water. Steve was panting hard and had curled up on himself, like Billy had found him. He was still fully awake.

“Oi Steve ! You can’t rest now, you need to take this medicine !”

Billy lifted him up in a more comfortable position, then he gave him the pill and pressed the glass on his lips. Steve drank slowly half of the glass.

“Drink it all, you are probably dehydrated” Billy said forcing the glass to Steve mouth. 

The boy choked a bit but finished. After a moment he started to look around himself, he opened his eyes and started to cough.

“Why am I in my bed ? I was - I was in the living room, I ...” He sounded scared, Billy thought. Steve afraid of his own bed ?

“Now you can sleep” Billy explained in calm voice, but it made the contrary effect. 

Steve looked at him with pure terror in his eyes, he started hyperventilating. 

“No, no please ! I - I don’t want to sleep ! I’m not tired ! I can stay up !” Steve said panicking. Probably the fever had melted his brain already Billy thought, but it felt strange. 

"I don't want to sleep ! Please take me away from here ! I can't..." He sobbed.

Why Steve didn’t want to sleep ? Billy needed to know the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

Billy had never seen a panic attack before. He knew that it happened when a person was feeling in danger, when you felt too much anxiety, when you were afraid of something. Steve was showing all the signs of it : he was trembling like mad clinging at his loose T-shirt, he started to have an hyperventilation, and probably it would have changed soon in an asthma attack. He was crying in a desperate way, his cheeks had turned into a bright red, he was sweating a lot too.

At first Billy didn’t know what to do, he was shocked to see somebody in a state like that. Then Steve couldn’t stay there anymore, he climbed out of the bed with shaking legs. He fell down, but never stopped, he slouched towards the door. He needed to get away from his bed as far as he could. 

Billy tried to catch him and pull him up from the floor, but Steve was moving too much. His breath was errant and fast. He made his way till the corridor. Then he just collapsed on the carpet. His chest was so tight, he felt a strong pain in his lungs, he was choking. His body was screaming for air but he couldn’t breath freely. His vision blurred and he fell in a sort of black dream. 

Billy, when he saw that he wasn’t moving anymore, he turned the boy over. His breath was short, but there was one at least. It was hurting him seeing the one that he liked being in that conditions. Billy thought of what to do. The bed wasn’t an option anymore if Steve had had a reaction like that. The best thing to do was bringing him on the sofa. The boy seemed in a deep state of unconsciousness, Billy just carried him back down. 

It was then that he saw the pillow and the blanket on the sofa. It was obvious that Steve had been resting there. Obviously it wasn’t really comfortable. 

it didn’t took too much time to Steve to wake up. Now he was calm, but at the sight of Billy, his expression changed.

“What are you doing here ?”

“You didn’t come at practice, and you didn’t pick up the kids, they were worried” Billy, in reality, was thinking : I was worried that you might be dead.

“Shit the kids !” Steve said getting up. He stumbled, but Billy took him before he collapsed again. 

“Why are you here ? How did you enter ? What time is it ? Why I’m laying here ?” He was short of breath. 

“Calm down ! or you will have another asthma attack !” Billy told him.

Steve looked at him with surprise in his eyes.

“I found you on the floor here… I was afraid that you might have choked on yourself ! You should quit smoking ! It’s too bad for you !” Billy explained.

Steve seemed taken aback, hot tears started to leak down, but didn’t spoke. Billy was afraid that he might have said something wrong.

“Why are you crying ? What did I say ?”

“I can’t” Steve cried. He was definitely sobbing now.

“I can’t stop smoking, it’s - it’s too painful” Billy was wondering how quitting having asthma attacks would have been painful ? But he let him go on speaking, he needed to know.

“I can’t set my mind free from the upside down. I need something that could remind me that the gate is close now, that the kids are ok, that no more monsters are running in the forest ! I can’t sleep, the dreams, no the nightmares are so real I - I can’t” He couldn’t go on, his speak hadn’t have sense, but he was tired, the fever was burning his neurons and it was so painful breathing. He hid his face in his shaking hands.

“I think that you should confide in someone, I don’t know what are you talking about but I think that it will help you get through it.” Billy said sincerely.

“I know that we hadn’t started in the best way, but maybe we could start over ? I can listen to you, if you want of course !” Billy tried. The other seemed to have a big weight on his mind, and Billy didn’t wanted to see Steve suffer like that. He forced the hand because Steve, in that moment, was weak, feverish and he might trust Billy a little more…

Steve was silent for a moment, then he sighed :

“It all started an year ago when Will Byers had disappeared….” 

Steve told Billy every shit that had happened in Hawkings. Billy just listened carefully, he was afraid that if he stopped Steve, he might don’t talk anymore. It took him hours, because respiring was hard, and the cough didn’t leave him be. When he finally finished, his throat was aching, but his heart was lighter. Billy was incredulous, every single piece of the puzzle was fitting, he would have never thought about another dimension and monsters which seemed flowers. 

“You don’t believe me” Steve said suddenly.

“No, I believe you, what you told me might seem impossible, but everything fits ! I asked Max too, but she just told me that I wouldn’t understand… ”

“You really believe me ?” Steve asked in a shaking voice, he now was looking in Billy’s eyes. Billy thought how beautiful, and how tired and sad they seemed.

“I believe you”

Steve then just collapsed sobbing on Billy’s chest gripping with shaking hands his jeans jacket. Billy was taken aback, the sudden contact with him was something that he had dreamed a lot in the last days. He hugged the poor boy.

“How long you stopped sleeping ?” He asked worried.

“I don’t know, since the week after the night at the Byers house maybe ?” He coughed, he was so tired, and he needed a smoke.

“That long ?” Billy asked shocked. Now he was really worried, how could a person last that long without sleeping ?

“I think you should sleep now” At that words Steve pulled away from the hug, he started hyperventilating and trembling. 

“Calm down, nothing will happen to you !”

“No you don’t know how it feels ! You don’t know how it feels to see their bodies all bloody and eaten ! I can’t see the kids like that !” He paused for coughing hard. 

“You know what they say ? They ask me why I didn’t save them ! Why I didn’t run when they were screaming for my help ! Why I didn’t helped them ? And when I can’t move anymore a bunch of demodogs come and start to eat me alive, but it’s like I can’t die, they keep on biting me on and on, they tear my limbs apart for hours and I don’t die, I just scream and shout, but I can’t wake up ! I don’t want to see that all over again ! I won’t sleep anymore ! It’s too painful ! I -” Steve couldn’t go on. Billy took him in his big and strong arms.

“I’m here, I swear that nothing will happen to you ! I will stay by your side all night, you can’t go on like this ! You need to rest ! Your body is shutting down ! I will be with you the whole time ! Nothing will happen !” Billy was just asking to go to bed with him, something that he had dreamed about sometime.

Steve calmed down a bit, then he looked up and said :

“Are you sure ?” His voice was broken, no Steve was broken, Billy thought.

“I’m sure, I swear that I will stay with you and that I won’t let anything touch you or hurt you !” 

In that moment they were so close that their noses could have touched together. Steve was awful, but still hot. His forehead was beaded with sweat, his cheeks were flushed from the fever, his hairs were all messed up. Billy looked at Steve, then at his pink lips. The attraction was strong. Steve looked at Billy. It was a moment, they kissed, or better Billy kissed Steve, but the other didn’t pull away. Steve’s mouth still tasted like cigarette, but the kiss now was sweet. They pulled away before Steve choked again. Billy was the one who spoke first.

“I like you, a lot”

“I like you too” 

Steve was obviously sheepish. Billy was really happy, that was a proper kiss !

“Let’s go sleeping !” He said in a creery voice. Steve just nodded, but a big smile appeared on his face.

They went in Steve room, Billy helped him climb the stairs because Steve was panting hard just after getting up from the couch. It hurt him see how sick and weak his love was in. Steve let him help him even with changing his clothes, Billy wanted him to wear something comfortable and warm. 

“You lost too much weight” He commented at the sight of Steve bare chest.

“Food taste like nothing” He said simply.

“That’s because you smoke too much ! You can’t feel the flavours anymore !”

“Maybe” He coughed.

They went in bed, Steve curled up in Billy’s chest, and Billy just hugged him kissing his hairs that smelled of smoke.


	3. Chapter 3

Billy was desperate. Steve was speaking, screaming sometimes, moving around, coughing, while sleeping. It seemed impossible that a person had just nightmares. Now he understood why Steve didn’t wanted to sleep anymore. He woke up every thirty, forty minutes, crying, shouting in pure agony. Billy always tried to make him feel protected, he whispered to him sweet words, he tried to calm him down, but everytime was the same story. Steve was beyond exhausted, sleep deprivation and an high fever, that didn’t wanted to get down, were eating him away. 

All Billy could do was staying by his side, put a wet patch on his forehead, try to wake him up when his nightmares became too strong, took his hand when he was wailing and coughing, pull him closer when he showed sufference signs. 

At some point Steve passed out for the fever probably, he went limp and Billy had shook him by the shoulders, but Steve hadn’t woke up. He had been out for almost two hours and half, well at least he had rested more than usual. 

The night seemed infinite, Billy cautch just three, four or maybe five hours of good sleep and he was really out of himself. How could Steve haven’t been sleeping for weeks ? 

That morning the poor boy couldn’t even climb out of bed. The fever hadn’t gotten down, Billy was worried that he could be too sick to recover.

Around ten o’clock, Billy climbed out of the bed. Steve had just fell asleep again. Billy watched how young he seemed when he was sleeping. His hairs were all messed up, his skin seemed soft (and Billy knowed that it really was !), his lips were open because he breathed more with the mouth than the nose. The bad part was that in the complex he seemed ill : sunken cheeks, big dark spectral circles around his closed eyes, greyish tone of the skin, he wasn’t in health. 

Billy left him there, he needed to clear his mind. It had happened a lot of things the previous day, things that he had never thought, could became true !

Steve was back again in his nightmare, but now he could hear just one voice. It was from a man, no a boy of his age, but he couldn’t recognise it. The tunnels were so long and all the same. He wanted to reach the voice, that seemed to become weaker, he needed to discover who it was ! He kept running till he finally arrived in a more open space. on the other side of the room a figure, all covered of the tunnels weed, was hanging from the ceiling. Steve had just his bat, so he cut the cord that was holding this kind of capsule then he tried with his bare hands to set free the poor prisoner. It took him a lot of time, he cut himself all over, but in the end a boy was spread unconscious beside him. His heart ached when he recognised Billy Hargrove. In the same moment horribles sounds started to come from the tunnels. The demodogs were reaching them. He turned to take his bat, but he couldn’t find it ! He had panicking when a bunch of monsters came in. Steve was terrified, one of them launched at Billy, Steve moved in the way. The impact with thousand and thousand of sharp teeth put him in pure agony. He screamed and screamed, he managed to get his arms out of it, he was all bloody, he took Billy limp body and started to run as much as he could falling on the sticky floor for the weight he was carrying. Somehow he managed to lose the demodogs. he put Billy down and after regaining his breath he took a look of his companion.   
In that moment his heart cracked : Billy was already dead. Steve screamed, shouted for him to come back, but he had been too slow to free him. He was still in so much pain that he didn’t notice a demogorgon approaching from behind. The monster took him from the legs. Steve stumbled, he tried to get an hold on something, but the monster was too strong, he was dragged away from Billy’s body. Then the world went black, there was just pain and agony. 

Billy was in the bathroom washing his face, when he heard the screaming, it was real fear. He ran in Steve room to find the boy on the floor, still asleep, crying and shouting in pure terror. Billy had shook him, but it took minutes to wake Steve completely up. What scared him the most was the fact that he was screaming his name. Probably he had a nightmare where he died. 

“Steve ! Oi Steve ! I’m here, nothing happened ! It’s ok now ! Steve ?” He tried but the boy was in another universe.

When Steve finally woke up, was exhausted, he held tight to Billy that just hugged him as hard a s he could. They stayed like that till Steve calmed down. When they pulled away, Billy could see how messy his love seemed. 

“I’ll take you to the bathroom” 

He lifted Steve and carried him in the near room. The poor boy was still shaking like mad for the fear he had felt. 

“I think that an hot bath would do some good for you !” He said smiling to Steve how wouldn’t let go of Billy’s hand (Not that Billy minded !).

He helped the boy taking off his clothes and entering the tub. He had already seen Steve naked, but this time it was hard not to feel hot. Steve seemed too broken to understand what was going on around him. he seemed like a doll, he hadn’t expression on his face, his eyes were unfocused. He was like a empty case, but Billy didn’t know how to fix him.   
Maybe Steve couldn’t be fixed. He just pulled his knees toward his chest and let Billy wash him gently with hot water. Billy continued to stroke Steve on the head and on the back, the boy needed so much some touching at the moment. 

Billy pulled him out of the water, dried him and dressed him with new clothes.   
Steve hadn’t spoken for all the time, they had had a contact for all the time. Just when Billy left him on the bed for opening the widow, he spoke again.

“Don’t leave me alone” His voice sounded shaking and out of breath. Billy felt guilty, he was the one that had left him alone while he was sleeping. 

“I won’t !” He answered.

Only at lunch they went down in the kitchen so that Billy could cook something. Billy was happy that Steve was feeling good enough to move around, but the boy seemed so tired.   
Also he was kind of regaining his normal self, he seemed like he was surprised to see Billy there with him. 

“What are you doing here ?” 

“I’m preparing something for lunch !”

Steve didn’t seemed to understand.

“I found you yesterday… don’t you remember ?” Billy asked concerned. How could he not remember ? They had already had this conversation. They had been together till a minute ago ! It felt like Steve was waking up from a coma just now.

“Oh I … “ He coughed hard. “I thought it was a dream…” Steve said confused, then he turned bright red, but not for the fever. No he remembered the conversation they had together. They had confessed important feelings towards each other.   
Billy seemed to read his mind. 

“Yeah we kissed, but I understand if you… you know, you were feverish and all, I’m sorry man I-” Billy couldn’t finish, Steve cut him off.

“No it’s not that, I like you, but I never planned to tell you… or at least in this way” There was an odd silence. Both of them seemed to grew redder every second. Luckily the oven timer interrupted the moment. 

“What is it ?” Asked Steve.

“Well I tried to make something to eat…” Billy explained still embarassed. 

He was really concerned thought ! How could somebody don’t distinguish dream from reality ? Steve hadn’t slept for too long !  
Billy had never been a chef, but he knowed how to cook something good tasting. He did some omelettes with cheddar. The entire kitchen was smelling so good of cheese.

“They are ready ! Go sit !” Billy took from the oven a big baking tin. 

Steve just watched with a curious look.

The food was hot, but the cheese was all stringy. Billy thought that they were the best omelettes he ever did.   
Steve took a little bite of one of them, he chewed it slowly. Billy was regarding him, he wanted to know if he liked the food he had made. 

“So how it taste ?”

Steve seemed sad about the question.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t feel nothing at all, I don’t taste anything” He said in a low voice.

Billy was mortified, How he couldn’t feel the flavour of the cheddar ? He put a lot of salt in the eggs too. The fact that Steve couldn’t taste the food was a bad sign, he had had too many cigarettes already that he had ruined his senses.

“You need to eat thought” he said.

“I’m not hungry”

Steve got up and was leaving the room when a string hand stopped him. Billy felt his hand became cold. Billy thought about what he had asked just an hour before : don’t leave me alone ! And now Steve was going away from him. Billy wouldn’t have permitted something like that.

“No way that I let you go on with an empty stomach ! You can’t recover if you don’t have energies !”

“I’ll just take some more medicines !”

“They won’t have any effect if you haven’t eaten something before !”

Billy hardened his grip on Steve slim arm. Steve sighed and went to sit again.

They ate in silence, but at the end Steve, without looking at Billy, said :

“Thanks for the meal and … for everything that you are doing for me”

Billy smiled and went to hug Steve. He frowned, Steve felt too cold for a sick person.

“Aren’t you cold ?”

“A little” Steve coughed.

Billy put an hand on his forehead, it felt hot. The fever still hadn’t gotten down. 

“I think you should lay down, you don’t seem pretty good…”

Steve just nodded, in fact he wasn’t feeling good. 

Billy took him to the sofa, but Steve clutched at him like a little boy. 

“Stay !” He choked out. 

Billy was happy about it. It felt good to be wanted.

“I won’t go anywhere !”

They stayed hugged to each other watching a movie. Billy was falling in deeper love for Steve at every second. He loved the way the other blew on his hairs just to make them out of his sight. He loved how Steve hairs were falling in his white neck. He loved the smell Steve was attacking him by staying all over his chest. he liked the pink color of Steve’s lips. he liked to feel that slender body against his. He loved how Steve bended his head on his shoulder and how he kissed that brown tuft. He loved hoe their hands where always holding, and how Steve squeezed sometimes just to make sure that Billy was still there.

Yes Billy was happy, but still concerned. Steve was coughing every two minutes.

“Do you have something like a cough sirup ?” He asked.

“Probably where you found the aspirins” 

When there was the advertising, Billy made a run and went to take the sirup. When he come back Steve was shaking like mad, covering his face with both hands.

“What happened ?” He put a hand on his shoulder. 

Steve jumped up from the couch and took Billy around the neck. Billy was surprised from the behaviour, but then he understood.

“I wasn’t leaving ! I just took some medicine for you !” He explained hugging the boy.

“I thought you grew tired of me” Steve sobbed.

Billy pulled a bit away just to look into Steve’s eyes. He smiled.

“I would never grew tired of you !” He kissed the sobbing boy. 

“I love you, ok ? And I will stay here as long as it takes for you to be better !” 

“Thank you, I love you too” 

Billy helped Steve taking his medicines, then they curled up on the couch and at some point they fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up because somebody is screaming in your ear, had never been something Billy liked. In some way they had both fell asleep, but Steve was having another nightmare going on. He was sweated and he made strange noises like he had been hurt or something.  
Billy shook him hard by the shoulders. The poor boy just jolted awake still screaming and crying.  
“Billy ?” He asked confused.

“I’m here ! It was just a bad dream ! Nothing happened, you are safe, everybody is safe and sound !”

“You… the kids… I couldn’t …” Steve stuttered.

“Everything it’s alright ! You have nothing to worry about ! I won’t let anything happen to you, ok ?” 

He hugged the smaller one, Steve just gripped Billy’s strong arms and cried like a little child scared of something. Billu just pulled him closer, it hurt seeing him so broken.   
It took a good ten minutes to stop sobbing. Steve was exhausted and didn’t felt good, he needed a cigarette to calm down. He was craving for one, but he couldn’t smoke there with Billy ! he needed a plan to make him busy for a while. 

“Can you please bring me a tea ?”

“Yeah I’ll make one straight away !”

Billy went to the kitchen, as soon as he was out of sight Steve launched himself towards the bathroom. He was feeling extremely dizzy, but he was craving for a smoke.

When he had started to smoke compulsively, he had put cigarettes and lighters in every place. It was easy, he had just to close himself in the bathroom, open the window and breathe ! 

He locked the door with difficulty because the world was spinning so fast in front of him, opened the window feeling the cold air flow in. He opened the drawer and took out that small thing that had been so helpful in his life. He wanted to light it up so bad, he needed to smoke, but his hands were shaking bad for both the cold and the craving. He tried for minutes till he felt too lightheaded and fell down on the tiled floor. 

What was happening to him ? One moment he was fine and now it felt hard to breath, too hard. He could hear like a choking whisper came out of his throat, the air was pretty cold and it hurt to fill his lungs with it. On his coughing sounds, he could hear Billy calling for him from the living room. But speaking was something beyond his ability. 

“Steve ! Steve ! Oi ! Where are you ? Steve !?” 

Steve heard his steps approaching to the bathroom’s door.

“Steve ? Are you in there ?” He sounded in panic.

Asking for an answer now, was impossible, he wanted to scream for Billy to help him, to bring him out of that freezing room, but everything that came out of his mouth was a coughing fit.   
Luckily that was all Billy needed to know. He started to bang on the door, he forced the lock and after some struggling he finally opened it. Freezing air blew into his face, but all he could think of was the shaking frame of Steve on the floor. 

“Steve !!! Oi ! Are you ok ?” 

Steve could just feel a pair of strong arms that lifted him up from the cold floor, then he just blackout.   
Billy noticed the lighter and the cigarette too, but he just wanted to blame himself for not being able to help him with his addiction. He just carried the sick boy to the bed, by just touching Steve’s body he could feel that he had an high fever. He needed to cool him down as soon as possible. Billy put a thermometer into his mouth and when it beeped he was shocked : he read 40 C° (104,00 F). He was afraid, and the best option just came into his mind : the hospital. He carried the sick boy into his camaro then rushed like a maniac towards Hawkings hospital center. 

As soon as he entered the hall, some nurses ran to him taking Steve. BIlly felt powerless and stupid for not bringing him there before. He saw Steve pale face on that stretcher get away from him. 

He was lost he didn’t know what to do, if going back home or wait there, even if it probably would have took some days. When a nurse approached him to ask for information about the boy he took there, he didn’t even heard. 

“Sir ? Are you ok ?”

“Oh…. yeah, just….. how is he ?”

“We are taking care of him” She smiled, but Billy wasn’t even looking at her.

“We need to know somethings about him, could you follow me to give us some information ?” Billy just nodded, too shocked to say anything.

The survey was longer than he expected and there were questions that he didn’t even imagined. It felt like hours until finally the paper block finished. 

“You know what happened to him ? Or you just found him like that ?”

Billy knew very well that Steve didn’t wanted anybody to know what he had done, but now he was in a hospital bed and it felt wrong not to say what had happened.  
He started to tell everything he had saw, the incident they had at basketball practice and the cigarettes too. The nurse seemed a bit stunned about the story but never interrupted Billy once.   
At the end of the story she thanked him and asked if he could wait just some minutes to get something done. 

He waited in the waiting room for ten minutes then the same nurse came back to him.

“We have tried to call Mr harrington emergency numbers, but they both didn’t answered “

“Well his parents works in Europe, and they are always away….” Billy tried to explain, even if he couldn’t stand the fact that a family could abandon his only son like that. Well his father probably would have done the same. 

“Can we take your number, so that we have somebody that could come here and pick him up when he will be dismissed ?” That was a good news, Billy thought. They were going to release him soon, he was fine !

“Yeah ! Of course ! Can I see him ?” He asked with hope. 

“I’m sorry but just relatives are allowed…. for now, if he gets better tomorrow I think you could visit him !” She smiled again. 

That was a bitter bite to shallow for Billy.   
He tiredly walked out of the building and drove back home.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not posting as often as I would, but living is complicated and I can't always find the needed time.  
> Comments and likes are really appreciated, but they are not a necessity ! But if you find mistakes or something turns up, please let me know so that I can fix it !  
> Thanks for everything !


End file.
